Let's Make This Happen Adi, You're Gonna Show The World That My Advice Can Work And It Can Work For You!!!

Yes, this post is for my dear friend Adi. For the sake of other readers not being totally baffled, here's the general situation:

Adi has a date. Kind of. To a concert.

And I'm going to tell him what to do (and what not to do):

Do tell her she looks pretty. Girls like innocent remarks that'll make us blush.

Don't tell her she looks hot. It is exponentially less classy.

Phrase to use: "You look ____"
Acceptable vocabulary: "great," "pretty," "nice." Vocabulary to avoid: "hot," "sexy," "like my mom."

Do be chivalrous. Hold doors for her (which you do anyway, because you are - as my grandpa would say - a "nice-a guy"). As I said in our gmail conversation, it speaks volumes. Girls are so impressed when guys do such no-brainer things like holding doors! We don't get it as much as we'd like, and when someone does treat us with a little extra respect, we sit up and take note!

Don't overdo the chivalry. When you carry her over puddles a la the Elizabethan era, that's taking it a bit too far. Girls can walk. Now that society has deemed it appropriate for us to wear pants, we actually enjoy the exercise.

Do try to make at least ONE semi-romantic remark to her during the concert. The lyrics that inspired this song title are, as I have told you, a good opportunity for you to lean over and whisper "This song/these lyrics/this whatever always makes me think of you."

Don't quote me. At any point. It's generally a good idea to steer clear of mentioning ALL OTHER FEMALE BEINGS while you are on a date. I may be her secret best friend, but until she knows that, don't let on that your dating etiquette expertise came from anyone besides yourself.

Do practice personal hygeine before leaving the house. Shower before the concert. If you're all like "but CHEEEEEESE, I'm a morning-shower person!", shut up. Suck it up and smell like yummy soap for one night. And for the love of all things holy, brush your teeth. If she has a miraculous time and decides she wants to kiss you or something at the end of the concert, you don't want her to have to breathe in your nasty lunch-breath (a guaranteed way for you to not get a second kiss).

Don't expect me to come up with a "don't" for this scenario. Hygeine should NEVER be compromised.

As for my last piece of advice, ignore what I just said (except about the showering!!!). Romance cannot be planned word for word, and if you find yourself thinking in the last two minutes of the concert, "Oh crap, I never held a door for her! Cheese said to hold doors! COME ON, DATE! WE GOTTA GO FIND A DOOR!", then you're screwed. That particular scenario would result only with you looking like a total idiot, and your date being pissed she has to miss the big finale for you to hold a freaking door for her.

You'll be fine, Adi. And if you have any questions, you've got plenty of time to bombard me with them.