Blogging The Golden Compass, Part 3

Aaaaaand, we're back. Thanks for your patience!

The beginning of this chapter is mostly background info.
Yeah, yeah, yeah...we get it. Lyra lives at Jordan College, the biggest, best, most awesomesauce college in the history of their wacko world. *sarcasm hand* But like everybody else with a schweet crib, Lyra spends her time dashing across the roof and otherwise not appreciating her nice home. She likes spitting stuff with her homie, Roger, making alliances with other college kids, and being enemies with the less-fortunate town children.

This petty battlefield is Lyra's playground, and she happily goes around acting superior to all the other kids. Sometimes her forever-buddy Lord Asriel comes to visit, and he stares at her while she recites everything she's learned since he last came.

Philip Pullman makes an abrupt plot-o-matic U-turn, and starts talking about how children have been disappearing. He begins to describe an example of a kidnapping, and this story features a boy named Tony, and a woman who is even more of a creepy pedophile than our hero Lord Asriel. This woman is part of a group called "The Gobblers," (who wants to bet Lord Asriel is president of the organization?!) and her daemon (I am STILL waiting to hear what that word even means!) is a golden monkey. And with that, we return to Lyra's easy-peasy life.

"Let's play kids and Gobblers!" Lyra shouts enthusiastically to her one and only friend, Roger. He is apparently her slave by now, and would do anything for her. I see... Roger: Lyra = Lyra: Lord Schmexypants Asriel. Poor, poor Roger. Maybe if he were 40 years older, a few bajillion bucks richer, and RELATED TO HER, Lyra would notice him.

Later on, Lyra and her kitchen friends go to the horse fair together, and things get interesting when one of her gyptian frenemies, Billy Costa, gets kidnapped by the Gobblers. Suddenly, Lyra's little game isn't so fun anymore. She searches all over for the gyptian kid, then realizes OHMIGOD NOOOO ROGER'S GONE TOO!

She throws a temper tantrum that probably resembles something Smelly Belly would do if she had half a brain and/or was able to show an ounce of emotion. Lyra darts up to the roof, where she and *snicker* Pantalaimon have a nice chat. She decides she wants to save Roger *insert eye roll here* and, in a typical Pantalaimon fashion, he discourages her by saying it'll be dangerous.

Lyra must temporarily stop her plotting while the housekeeper, Mrs. Lonsdale, screams at her for getting all her clothes dirty and just generally being a slob. She has been summoned (summoned, I say!) by THE MASTER to dine with him and his BFFs. Lyra attempts to be polite while she shakes hands, and the final guest she meets is a gorgeous woman named Mrs. Coulter, whose daemon (get this!) is nothing other than....a golden monkey.

Prediction:
The gyptians storm the college in search of Billy Costa, Mrs. Lonsdale throws all of Lyra's filthy shoes off of the sacred roof, and Lord Asriel and Mrs. Coulter meet up to officiate the next meeting of Pedophiles Anonymous.

Lord Asriel: We'd like to welcome our newest member to Pedophiles Anonymous. What's your name, dearie?
Mrs. Coulter: I'm Mrs. Coulter, and I'm a pedophile.
General assembly: Hi, Mrs. Coulter.
Lord Asriel: Let's begin. Who would like to share the progress they made this week?
Pedophile #17: Well, I was walking into the mall, and I saw this kid with the hottest pair of gloves, and then I just had to go closer, and one thing led to another and-
Quil: *barges in* Uh....
General assembly: Hi, Quil. About time you showed up.