I Pray Your Brakes Go Out Running Down A Hill, I Pray A Flowerpot Falls From A Window Sill And Knocks You In The Head Like I'd Like To

*rages*

*throws something*

*kicks something*

*screams*

HE IS SUCH A DUMBO HEAD! Even his feet subconciously hate me. (I'm serious. Really. I moved my foot - without even really thinking about it! - SLIGHTLY towards his feet, and he MOVES THEM.)

Feet. Weather. Everything is getting worse and worse. Is there a reason I can't just be happy?! Is there a reason that I can't have any successful long-term relationships? Or even a SHORT TERM RELATIONSHIP, FOR THAT MATTER! I blame my stupid genetics. And my big hair.

And my crankiness.

And my messed up family.

And my friends, who are suddenly not so friendly anymore.

And my soccer team, who can't pull it together enough to win ONE game.

But mostly just my personality. What about me is it that just yells "I'M A FRIEND, JUST A FRIEND, FOREVER A FRIEND, ONLY A SARCASTIC FRIEND, NOT GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL!!!"?

Because I swear, I am NOT aiming for that! Is it so wrong to want somebody to love me? I love having my friends, but sometimes I just feel like it isn't enough. I want someone to hug me for a long time! I want somebody to hold my perpetually cold hands in the hall and make me feel like I'm a good person. I want him to smile his big smile at me, walk me to class like he used to, and text me just to say I'm on his mind.

Maybe that's aiming too high for right now. So I'd just ask for him to look at me when I manage to force a sentence out of him, or for him to hold the door once or twice. Anything. Anything besides a cold stare and an icy demeanor.

I know it could be worse. I really do. Overall, I guess I'm lucky. But it doesn't feel like it right now. All I wanted was my friend back, and all I got was an even more broken heart.

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P.S. Cuss Count is STILL at 9. Seat Partner kept it remarkably G-rated today! Or maybe I just missed her language while I felt like crying my eyes out. :'(