Blogging The Golden Compass, Part 2

Last week, we left off with Lyra and her talking animal hiding in a wardrobe, secretly admiring Uncle Lord Asriel's dreamy biceps.

Now, Lyra proceeds to declare how even though THE MASTER and a handful of his minions are present, they all know where the power really lies. It is with the self-proclaimed scruffy, fossilized dreamboat who's about to show his PowerPoint slideshow.

Lord Schmexy-Pants Asriel gets THE MASTER and the Chief Minion/Librarian to sit close to the wardrobe, so Lyra can practice her spying skills. They whine about how Lord Asriel didn't die from the poisoned wine, and then they shut up and listen to Lord Schmexy-Pants's Asriel's story.

He explains how he went up North under the cover story of making friends with the king of Lapland. He actually *gasp!* went up to see some sort of "natural phenomenon" seen by a guy named Grumman, whom I presume is now dead. Lord Asriel shows THE MASTER and his clique a couple of pictures of the North. The first one is boring looking, and the second has these awesome gold specks floating down. The said specks are apparently Dust with a capital D.

This is a big deal to THE MASTER'S clique, and they freak out even more when Lord Asriel points out a child in the picture. Instead of explaining to me what the hell matters about a kid being in the picture, they move on to start discussing the Northern Lights, aka the Aurora borealis.

Lord Asriel shows one last picture, and this one is the most shocking yet, at least to THE MASTER. It shows a city in (wait for it...) another world. One of the clique members asks if it's about the "Barnard-Stokes business." Whatever that is. Is there like, a prequel or something? Did I accidentally start on the second book in the series? Does anyone besides Philip Pullman get what's going on here? Because I sure don't!

That Grumman guy actually is dead, it turns out. And better yet, Lord Asriel has proof. Lyra can't see it because THE MASTER stood up in front of her, but the whispers of his clique tell her that Uncle Swoonworthy brought back Grumman's head in a box. From what the group of old dudes can deduce, Grumman was murdered by a group called the Tartars, who appear to be stab-happy while they poke holes in their victims' heads.

The scholars start to talk about a talking bear who wants a degree and a daemon (talking animal), and as Lyra is too lazy to stay awake for this conversation, I still don't get any explanation of what's going on.

....

*TIME PASSES, LYRA CATCHES SOME ZZZZ'S*

She is woken by Lord Asriel, and quickly interrogates him about what Dust is. (Yes!)

He doesn't tell her. (No!)

Lyra then asks if she can look at the head, and Lord Asriel sneers and says to not be disgusting. If I recall correctly, he's the arm-grabbing pedophile in this scenario! Hard to get more disgusting than that.

He pulls a paternal move and tells her to go to bed, since he is leaving to go back to the North in a mere 10 minutes, but stubborn Lyra asks if she can come. He stares at her for a moment while she blushes under his gaze (NOW tell me she doesn't have a crush!!!! Just TRY!!! I DARE YOU!). Lord Asriel eventually decides that no, her place is here, and she needs to go to sleep.

The scene changes to THE MASTER'S private room, where he and the Librarian are drinking it up, arguing over the morals of their decision to try and poison Lord Asriel. THE MASTER says he only tried to kill him because the alethiometer (add THAT word's meaning to my list of questions) said it'd be bad if he was allowed to continue his expedition.

Then they start talking about politics and blah blah blah, and the Pope, more blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc. Oh wait no, apparently they killed Catholicism, so now there isn't a Pope. *facepalm* I didn't get it (seriously, is there a Golden Compass for Dummies book I can blog first?), but they capitalized the word "Magisterium," which I have inferred to be the Pope's replacement.

I love the Librarian. He just asked THE MASTER what all this Barnard-Stokes business is about. (Happy dance! Answers incoming, straight ahead!) THE MASTER declares that Barnard and Stokes were two treasonous theologians who believed there were many worlds besides this one. Then the Church killed them because Barnard and Stokes went against their teachings.

Once again, they mention the Magisterium, who is rather annoyed that there seems to be mathematical proof showing that there really are more worlds. Then they talk about Lord Schmexy-Pants Asriel and his pictures, which have turned out to be evidence. (I kind of get what the deal is now...sort of.)

AND NOW THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT LYRA!!!! They say that she would have been safer if they had ended up killing Prince Charming Lord Asriel. Apparently she has a "major part to play," she is not supposed to figure out what's going on, and they're expecting her to help without knowing she's helping. That isn't unfair at all. *sarcasm hand*

Prediction:
Lyra cries herself to sleep over Lord Asriel going on vacation, THE MASTER kills Lyra's chemistry teacher because he thinks her grade will be safer that way, and I will finally learn the definition of
a) daemon
b) alethiometer
c) Magisterium
d) Dust with a capital D

Please?